Thursday, November 19, 2009

What to Expect When Expecting New Moon

By Caitlin Tadlock

I like Twilight, but being a college student makes me an objective Twilight fan.  I feel like I am separated from some Twi-hards in the sense that I know Twilight was a bad movie and am thoroughly aware that the books are at the 4th grade reading level.  With that in mind, this is a list of ten things to look out for when watching New Moon on Friday at the Globe Theatre.
1.)  Muscles in the Rain
Taylor Lautner and the rest of the Quileute boys will be showing off their muscles in rain-soaked Washington for the majority of the film for tween girl and twi-mom reasons.  Lautner will also be taking off his shirt every time Bella is in trouble, when he’s about to ride his motorcycle somewhere, or when there is a vampire in his midst.
2.) Kristen Stewart's performace is an A+
Kristen Stewart will do a great job acting out the depression her character Bella goes through when Edward leaves her.  One neat thing that Chris Weitz does is a 360 degree of Bella’s life without Edward as the seasons pass behind her.  Half of the movie will play out like a girl going through a heroine withdrawal.
3.) Bad acting
Dakota Fanning is not a cute 5 year-old anymore and I have noticed that people don’t realize this when they cast her in movies.  The werewolves are newcomers to acting and the movie clips shown so far present unprofessional and cheesy acting from the wolf pack.
4.)  Silly looking CG Wolves
My friend and I busted out laughing when we first saw Jacob Black transform into a werewolf.  It might have been the consensus that the werewolves were in no way scary. The first trailers from this summer and the ones now show a different Jacob wolf but it’s actually not any scarier.
5.) Better Tech Credits and Visual Effects
No matter what, the werewolves are going to look ridiculous because they’re CGI werewolves.  But, New Moon in the visual sense will be better looking all around without Catherine Hardwicke’s extreme close-ups and long moments of awkward silence.
6.)  Nauseating Fan Girl screams
If you can resist avoiding the theatre for the first seven or eight days there is a good chance you can avoid the twi-hard gasps and screams when Edward apparitions appear for two seconds at a time throughout the movie.

7.)PG-13 Violence
More vampire be-headings will take place during New Moon.  Also expect a ton of werewolf fights, Volturi fights, renegade vampire fights and a Jacob v. Edward showdown.
8.)  Better Sparkles?
With better special effects come better sparkle effects from Edward…Let’s hope.

9.) Kill yourself scenes
New Moon is going to be depressing no matter how you look at it.  Get ready for the saddest 2 hours and 2 minutes of your youth, besides when you get broken up with in real life.
10.) The Eclipse trailer in front of New Moon
a.    Just kidding, but the Remember Me trailer starring Robert Pattinson will be.

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